How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
