we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just blew my weed a kiss
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
