I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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