i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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