so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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