he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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