A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
