there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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