I look better un-naked...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
