I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
