You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
