dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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