so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There are leaves in my underwear?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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