At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
