That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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