Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
