I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
