Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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