i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
