i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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