im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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