Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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