the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
