Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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