So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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