Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
