Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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