I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
