You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
