how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
