I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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