my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
