i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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