I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize