You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
