your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
