the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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