I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
