I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
