either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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