I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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