I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
