I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
