Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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