i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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