He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
