it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
