return my video game
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
