i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize