Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
