I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
