I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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