i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
