I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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