SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
