hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
