Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
FUCK WHALES
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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