I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
