Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
