FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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