So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
