He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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