Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
