she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
