It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
