The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
