Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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