i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
