You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
